Sorrow of a Failed Mission
by gwenstacey
Summary: Izumo hasn't moved from his spot on his bed for hours.  He's in shock, shock at having lost a teammate, at having almost lost his best friend, and everytime he swallows the bruising on his throat reminds him how close he came to dying himself.


WARNING: Spoilers up through the Hidan, Kakazu ark.

Izumo lie flat on his back staring up at the ceiling and feeling as if the world was threatening to close in on him. He knew Kotetsu was probably in the same position in his room down the hall and he briefly wondered how unmanly it would be to go and join him, just so he didn't have to be alone. Very, he decided, and chose to remain where he was.

He sighed and rolled over onto his side, groaning slightly as his body protested the movement. It was the first time he had moved in hours, perhaps a day. Somewhere in the back of his mind his brain whispered that he had gone into shock.

'_No shit,'_ he thought to himself and grimaced to keep the painful burning at the back of his eyes from developing into tears.

He could get through this. He had to. Death was a part of ninja life, it was a simple truth that had been taught to them since their academy days. But the harsh reality was that the simple statement did nothing to prepare a person for the loss of a friend, no matter how often you were tested on it as pre-genin. It did nothing to help you block out the images of a comrade dying as the people who love him fought vainly to save his life. And at the end of the day that's what ninja really were, people. Well trained, deadly, fragile people. Weapons made of glass, and flesh, and blood.

The door creaked and Izumo looked up to see Kotetsu slipping into the room. The other man never did care much about appearances, Izumo thought with a sigh.

"You awake?" Kotetsu asked as he silently padded his way across the floor. Izumo simply grunted in response.

"Yeah," Kotetsu said, interpreting his friends noise as he reclined on the bed, "I couldn't sleep either."

Izumo could tell it was the truth, even if he didn't know the other man so well as to have guessed it before he came in. The lack of sleep showed in the circles under his friends eyes, the slight crack that had made itself apparent in his voice, and the stiff way he currently held himself on the bed. The two lay in companionable silence for a few minutes before Izumo spoke, his voice soft and raspy from unshed tears.

"They've scheduled Asuma's funeral for two days from now," He stated, knowing his friend would have already heard, "Not much point in wasting time and effort on an autopsy and tox scan when they can look at the combined reports."

Kotetsu simply nodded, his throat to tight to allow him to speak.

"It shouldn't have been Asuma," Izumo whispered, leaving off the inevitable afterthought of 'it should have been us.' Kotetsu heard it anyway and turned to face his friend.

"We're lucky any of us managed to walk away from that," he said, gently poking at the bruising around Izumo's neck before pulling back to rub at his own, "Asuma was our captain though. He took point and it put him in the most vulnerable position."

Izumo shifted so he could look his friend in the eye.

"But does knowing that make this any easier for you?" he asked quietly.

Kotetsu sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face before shaking his head.

"No," he answered plainly, "it still hurts like hell."

"Shikamaru insisted on telling Kurenai himself," Izumo said, turning the subject slightly by stating another fact he knew Kotetsu was already well aware of, "How horrid does it make me that I'm glad the kid took the job?"

"Doesn't make you horrid at all," Kotetsu answered. He barely shook his head but his voice was stronger than it had been all evening. "Just makes you human. No one wants to deliver news like that. Besides, the kid's the best one for it. He's the only one who can come close to equaling her loss in this."

Silence stretched between them as both struggled with their emotions. They were trying to discuss this in a completely rational manner, but it was hard to hide how deeply it had effected them both. Izumo looked over at the man who had been his best friend since their academy days and found his mouth forming words without his brain's permission.

"I'm glad you're still alive. I don't think I'd know what to do with myself if you had died." Izumo sighed and buried his face in his pillow. So much for pride. Kotetsu clapped a hand on his shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, causing Izumo to look back up.

"Same here," was his only answer. He then removed his hand and attempted to look casual as he flicked an imaginary piece of dust off his own shoulder.

"You mind if I crash here?" he asked. Izumo gave him a weak smile.

"No, go for it," he said quietly before allowing his smile to gain a little more strength, "but if you snore I'm kicking you onto the floor."

Kotetsu returned the smile and the two settled in for the night on their respective sides of the bed, both happy to have the other close enough to watch over in case something happened.

They weren't okay, not yet. It would take time for them to get to the point where they could be called 'okay' again. But they would reach it, eventually. This wasn't the first time they'd lost a friend or come close to losing each other, and it probably wouldn't be the last. But tomorrow Izumo would get up and make pancakes that Kotetsu would drown in far to much syrup and they would pretend that everything was just fine until they finally reached the day that it really was.

AN: And this is all I've managed to accomplish this summer. Diamond Minutes and Propinquity are being worked on, I promise, things have just been pure chaos lately. This was produced from some random musings that made their way into my head.


End file.
